Zambian Watchdog

Verbatim: The comedy Sata delivered at this year’s labour day celebrations

May 01
15:23 2013

Below is the exact wording of the comedy (speech) president Michael Sata delivered at this year’s labour day celebrations as monitored and recorded by our reporters. The event was live on both ZNBC radio and television, but will be heavily edited by ZNBC later in the night to save the embarrassment. But we challenge the state ZNBC TV to run it as it was delivered.

 

Shamenda: Your excellency, I don’t want to make a long speech, it is now my rare honour and privilege to invite you your excellency to deliver the key note address for labour day. Your excellency sir:

President Sata: Thank you sir. Well done Mr. Minister, Mr. Fuck-well……. (Sata shuffling papers meant to be a speech).

I was quarrelling with Mr. Shamenda and Mr. Hikaumba because I told them I was a councillor in Bauleni, MP in Kabwata, was MP in Mpika and Dr. Kaunda was annoyed with me that this boy is not presidential material but governor material.

And say thank you very much Dr.KK (with emphasis on KK). An we used to say KK wamuyayaya, kumwamba mulungu pasi KK (crowd cheers).

And KK was boasting when was 89, am also 76, so what is there for him to boast. He can boast to Mr Edgar Lungu who is a baby.

But you see you workers we have met here today…………secretary general of our party, I started saluting Mr. KK wamuyaya, Ms. madam Chief Justice….muletuka muletuka mulebeba ati acting bushe niba acting kabili abanabo tabalipo ninshi eba chief justice. Naba Matimbini ba Speaker ba pa Chibombo, members of the central committee……..I have only seen Mr. Chumbwe…..and Mr. Jean Kapata naba Dorothy Kazunga……….who else have I seen……….oh…. Mr. Patrick Kazhila, eeh Mr. Kazhila stand up……batoteleniko ba Kazhila. Honourable ministers and deputy ministers, your excellences……employers and fellow workers.

At least me you are my employers all of you and you are very good employers.

And today Mr. Nevers Mumba is not here…..Mr. HH is not here because they are ashamed they have been preaching Sata is dying…….does a dying man look like me?

And even if I die………even if I dropped dead because my life belongs to God. We have too many leaders in PF who can take over from me. They (PF leaders) are not fighting but they are waiting. They (PF leaders) try their witchcraft but it can’t beat that witchcraft from Mpika. Mr. Edgar Lungu goes to Petauke but the witchcraft in Petauke is very light it can’t touch me….so go and tell them Mr. Sata is still alive.

And what type of a leader who wish others to be sick and dying……and if you want to aspire to lead this country, come here because all you workers we understand your difficulties whether you have nice uniforms in the army, whether you have nice uniforms in the police there are still other difficulties, accommodation and transport and a number of things.

So if you are leaders and you are aspiring to lead the people of Zambia come here and celebrate with them………..including my boys who are sitting in the trees They are not from Mpika those who are in the trees some of them are from Petauke. Because Edgar Lungu was saying they are from Mpika and I said why, and he said in Mpika you eat monkeys. So baiche imwe ngaisa Edgar Lungu ku Chawama…………. sort him out.

It is with great pleasure that I join you and the rest of the world in celebrating this years labour day. This day is unique because it accords us an opportunity to recorgnise the untiring efforts of workers in transforming our country.

Fellow workers ladies and gentlemen…….….imwe muyenda kuti………iiiimweee  ba youth……..ba yenda kuti abo bayenda yenda. Make sure they don’t yenda….lift them by air.

The theme for this year is transforming the economy through job creation, labour law reforms, better conditions of service and improved work culture. The theme highlights the areas that we need to address in order for us to transform the economy in a manner that is meaningful to the majority of our citizens.

Mr.Shamenda at one time if you ask KK this country we were to import labour. We had no Zambians who could break stones, we had to import them from Tanzania and Kenya and why cant we do it now…So Mr. Shamenda take-off your jacket and put on your overall, and take your Mr. Hikaumba with you…and take that ka ma Joyce(Nonde)

In celebrating this occasion, government pays tribute to all fellow workers for your immense contributions and sacrifices you have been making towards transforming our economy into what it is today. For this reason I salute you all.

Our government is implementing forward……forward looking macro economic policies and ultimately lead to sustained inclusive and equitable economic growth as well as increased productive employment opportunities in with PF the manifesto.

We are happy to mention that the PF government has created more than 175 700 jobs since we came into power and we are creating jobs anymore. And you have seen the new little incoming workers they are going to be dancing,…… singing for us. These are the little …….…whose that woman who came from South Africa……….Dorothy Masuka.

Our government have in the past one year made a number progressive changes aimed at improving the general standard of living for the people of Zambia. Notable among these has been the raising of minimum wage for various categories of workers and the unprecedented generous salary increase for public service workers.

We can do what we can do as government…….the rest we leave it to the unions. If the unions are sleeping, am not going to do the job for you. If you knock on our door we are ready. We have shown that we are ready to give more, because the current workers……if you look at those children their……their parents don’t earn enough that is why some of those children have no shoes.

We have also moved the lowest paid civil servant following the recently held salary negotiations from 1400 gross pay to 3000 or three million, why the food basket as calculated by the general statistics office is at 2900 or 2900000.

We therefore wish to urge you all my fellow workers that improved salaries and conditions of work should be matched with hard work………especially people from Eastern Province. Because every time we call we find you at work but you are not doing anything. You are just speaking chakwanu chinyanja and smoking…..smoking balani.

Let me emphasis that the transformation of the economy requires that in discharging our duties we ensure that we uphold integrity accountability and transparency, especially when this relates to the use of public resources.

Our fight against corruption and least financial flaws is a priority as these vices divert resources from activities that are vital for employment creation, poverty eradication and sustainable development.

When we are talking about job creation, some children are looking the way they are looking because their parents can’t find employment. We are very lucky  here……….. we have a person like Kenneth Kaunda………. we are lucky in the sense that Kenneth Kaunda saw this country as Northern Rhodesia. When he came from Chinsali………he was walking from Chinsali to come and look for my late sister from Mpika……he did not know how to wear trousers. He was just wearing shorts…….so he has struggled for this country to be what it is and that’s why today it pains him greatly………….. that he doesn’t even want to keep his hair………he has removed all the hair from his head. Because I remember one time when I was one of his youths here in Lusaka….….he said he will only eat meat when everybody in Zambia starts eating meat.

And one time the old man in Cairo road wanted to go and buy meat through the window……….when Africans were buying through the window. Now you find that we young Zambians we can’t emulate people like KK. You are making short cuts. Even removing all the head hair in your head………why don’t you emulate the girls. You saw when the girls were matching………..,they were very smart. Our men without hair,………are you not ashamed……..are you not ashamed. If God has not given you a Pala………don’t make one because you can’t sustain it. Look at that one there………. looking at me without hair…….,he is hiding his head. What about my women selling in kamwala……..who are selling combs you want them to die from starvation because you don’t want to keep your hair.

For our men in uniforms I thank you for working hard. Some people have engaged security guards, they don’t know that security guards are more brutal than my policemen. For the army, when there is no war, some people in Eastern province are trying to provoke me. But when I send the army in Eastern province, Mpenzeni will be the first one to run away.

Thank you for keeping you here, without lunch. Thank you for coming Mr. (Hi)Kaumba…but does it mean that there are no names in Southern province other than HH. Thank you……..this one has hidden his name….Simukoko……

And you whats your name……are you related to Rev. Masumba……ooh you are also a reverend.

I am now moving towards the people receiving awards……where are the people receiving the awards……..

Thank you.

 

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