Verbatim: The comedy Sata delivered at this year’s labour day celebrations

Below is the exact wording of the comedy (speech) president Michael Sata delivered at this year’s labour day celebrations as monitored and recorded by our reporters. The event was live on both ZNBC radio and television, but will be heavily edited by ZNBC later in the night to save the embarrassment. But we challenge the state ZNBC TV to run it as it was delivered.

 

Shamenda: Your excellency, I don’t want to make a long speech, it is now my rare honour and privilege to invite you your excellency to deliver the key note address for labour day. Your excellency sir:

President Sata: Thank you sir. Well done Mr. Minister, Mr. Fuck-well……. (Sata shuffling papers meant to be a speech).

I was quarrelling with Mr. Shamenda and Mr. Hikaumba because I told them I was a councillor in Bauleni, MP in Kabwata, was MP in Mpika and Dr. Kaunda was annoyed with me that this boy is not presidential material but governor material.

And say thank you very much Dr.KK (with emphasis on KK). An we used to say KK wamuyayaya, kumwamba mulungu pasi KK (crowd cheers).

And KK was boasting when was 89, am also 76, so what is there for him to boast. He can boast to Mr Edgar Lungu who is a baby.

But you see you workers we have met here today…………secretary general of our party, I started saluting Mr. KK wamuyaya, Ms. madam Chief Justice….muletuka muletuka mulebeba ati acting bushe niba acting kabili abanabo tabalipo ninshi eba chief justice. Naba Matimbini ba Speaker ba pa Chibombo, members of the central committee……..I have only seen Mr. Chumbwe…..and Mr. Jean Kapata naba Dorothy Kazunga……….who else have I seen……….oh…. Mr. Patrick Kazhila, eeh Mr. Kazhila stand up……batoteleniko ba Kazhila. Honourable ministers and deputy ministers, your excellences……employers and fellow workers.

At least me you are my employers all of you and you are very good employers.

And today Mr. Nevers Mumba is not here…..Mr. HH is not here because they are ashamed they have been preaching Sata is dying…….does a dying man look like me?

And even if I die………even if I dropped dead because my life belongs to God. We have too many leaders in PF who can take over from me. They (PF leaders) are not fighting but they are waiting. They (PF leaders) try their witchcraft but it can’t beat that witchcraft from Mpika. Mr. Edgar Lungu goes to Petauke but the witchcraft in Petauke is very light it can’t touch me….so go and tell them Mr. Sata is still alive.

And what type of a leader who wish others to be sick and dying……and if you want to aspire to lead this country, come here because all you workers we understand your difficulties whether you have nice uniforms in the army, whether you have nice uniforms in the police there are still other difficulties, accommodation and transport and a number of things.

So if you are leaders and you are aspiring to lead the people of Zambia come here and celebrate with them………..including my boys who are sitting in the trees They are not from Mpika those who are in the trees some of them are from Petauke. Because Edgar Lungu was saying they are from Mpika and I said why, and he said in Mpika you eat monkeys. So baiche imwe ngaisa Edgar Lungu ku Chawama…………. sort him out.

It is with great pleasure that I join you and the rest of the world in celebrating this years labour day. This day is unique because it accords us an opportunity to recorgnise the untiring efforts of workers in transforming our country.

Fellow workers ladies and gentlemen…….….imwe muyenda kuti………iiiimweee  ba youth……..ba yenda kuti abo bayenda yenda. Make sure they don’t yenda….lift them by air.

The theme for this year is transforming the economy through job creation, labour law reforms, better conditions of service and improved work culture. The theme highlights the areas that we need to address in order for us to transform the economy in a manner that is meaningful to the majority of our citizens.

Mr.Shamenda at one time if you ask KK this country we were to import labour. We had no Zambians who could break stones, we had to import them from Tanzania and Kenya and why cant we do it now…So Mr. Shamenda take-off your jacket and put on your overall, and take your Mr. Hikaumba with you…and take that ka ma Joyce(Nonde)

In celebrating this occasion, government pays tribute to all fellow workers for your immense contributions and sacrifices you have been making towards transforming our economy into what it is today. For this reason I salute you all.

Our government is implementing forward……forward looking macro economic policies and ultimately lead to sustained inclusive and equitable economic growth as well as increased productive employment opportunities in with PF the manifesto.

We are happy to mention that the PF government has created more than 175 700 jobs since we came into power and we are creating jobs anymore. And you have seen the new little incoming workers they are going to be dancing,…… singing for us. These are the little …….…whose that woman who came from South Africa……….Dorothy Masuka.

Our government have in the past one year made a number progressive changes aimed at improving the general standard of living for the people of Zambia. Notable among these has been the raising of minimum wage for various categories of workers and the unprecedented generous salary increase for public service workers.

We can do what we can do as government…….the rest we leave it to the unions. If the unions are sleeping, am not going to do the job for you. If you knock on our door we are ready. We have shown that we are ready to give more, because the current workers……if you look at those children their……their parents don’t earn enough that is why some of those children have no shoes.

We have also moved the lowest paid civil servant following the recently held salary negotiations from 1400 gross pay to 3000 or three million, why the food basket as calculated by the general statistics office is at 2900 or 2900000.

We therefore wish to urge you all my fellow workers that improved salaries and conditions of work should be matched with hard work………especially people from Eastern Province. Because every time we call we find you at work but you are not doing anything. You are just speaking chakwanu chinyanja and smoking…..smoking balani.

Let me emphasis that the transformation of the economy requires that in discharging our duties we ensure that we uphold integrity accountability and transparency, especially when this relates to the use of public resources.

Our fight against corruption and least financial flaws is a priority as these vices divert resources from activities that are vital for employment creation, poverty eradication and sustainable development.

When we are talking about job creation, some children are looking the way they are looking because their parents can’t find employment. We are very lucky  here……….. we have a person like Kenneth Kaunda………. we are lucky in the sense that Kenneth Kaunda saw this country as Northern Rhodesia. When he came from Chinsali………he was walking from Chinsali to come and look for my late sister from Mpika……he did not know how to wear trousers. He was just wearing shorts…….so he has struggled for this country to be what it is and that’s why today it pains him greatly………….. that he doesn’t even want to keep his hair………he has removed all the hair from his head. Because I remember one time when I was one of his youths here in Lusaka….….he said he will only eat meat when everybody in Zambia starts eating meat.

And one time the old man in Cairo road wanted to go and buy meat through the window……….when Africans were buying through the window. Now you find that we young Zambians we can’t emulate people like KK. You are making short cuts. Even removing all the head hair in your head………why don’t you emulate the girls. You saw when the girls were matching………..,they were very smart. Our men without hair,………are you not ashamed……..are you not ashamed. If God has not given you a Pala………don’t make one because you can’t sustain it. Look at that one there………. looking at me without hair…….,he is hiding his head. What about my women selling in kamwala……..who are selling combs you want them to die from starvation because you don’t want to keep your hair.

For our men in uniforms I thank you for working hard. Some people have engaged security guards, they don’t know that security guards are more brutal than my policemen. For the army, when there is no war, some people in Eastern province are trying to provoke me. But when I send the army in Eastern province, Mpenzeni will be the first one to run away.

Thank you for keeping you here, without lunch. Thank you for coming Mr. (Hi)Kaumba…but does it mean that there are no names in Southern province other than HH. Thank you……..this one has hidden his name….Simukoko……

And you whats your name……are you related to Rev. Masumba……ooh you are also a reverend.

I am now moving towards the people receiving awards……where are the people receiving the awards……..

Thank you.

 

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382 Responses to "Verbatim: The comedy Sata delivered at this year’s labour day celebrations"

  1. Mzee Hekima  May 4, 2013 at 15:13

    president Sata is a wasted vote if it was an examination he would get 35% that is a fail. Those who trust him to deliver it is for material gain nothing else. He is more of a party cadre selling illegal plots in Bauleni and telling those who buy to build quickly than President. Presidents are magnanimous focused and have an objective and a goal to achieve. There word is true and law i am not sure if my Presidents word can be relied upon. Ntamanyile.

  2. mirena lawsuit  May 4, 2013 at 13:14

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  3. THE GENERAL HK  May 4, 2013 at 12:44

    i havent seen anything wrong with the speech, so where is the problem with the speech, theres no way you can impress the masses at one time, if you want to find faults in what the president said you will find them and if you want to concentrate on the positive aspect of the speech you can still find it , the bottom line is ..be objective.

  4. Prevailing Prayers  May 4, 2013 at 04:55

    And even if I die………even if I dropped dead because my life belongs to God. We have too many leaders in PF who can take over from me. They (PF leaders) are not fighting but they are waiting. They (PF leaders) try their witchcraft but it can’t beat that witchcraft from Mpika. Mr. Edgar Lungu goes to Petauke but the witchcraft in Petauke is very light it can’t touch me….so go and tell them Mr. Sata is still alive. A prayer request for prayer warriors in Zambia, and to repent on behalf of our leaders so that our land is cleansed 2 Chronicles 7:14 , intensive prayers for our leaders to come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, could this be a reason why people think there are sacrifices. Jesus deliver our land and cover our nation under the blood of Jesus.

  5. Don Corleone  May 3, 2013 at 21:51

    School is very very important in any person’s life.Our President is a misfit.The dullest President on earth.Highly disorganized in his head.No brains whatsoever.He’s leading us in a ditch, with muzungu opusa.

  6. Kangaroo(the presidential material)  May 3, 2013 at 21:19

    RIP COBRA!

  7. Wusoyi wa Nkayi  May 3, 2013 at 20:36

    Rest in peace mr President.

  8. SHAUTITI OWEZ  May 3, 2013 at 19:23

    DONT SAY YOU WERE NOT AWARE OF THE RIDE AHEAD

  9. Sir Jeff  May 3, 2013 at 19:19

    M not surprised. Have observed how this man could wonder off the topic. The last time was when he featured on straight talk Africa, it was an embarrassment. Even Chaka Khan felt the embarrassment

  10. tara  May 3, 2013 at 15:37

    #dead laughing
    I love ths man lol

  11. limic mwendi  May 3, 2013 at 15:33

    i wonder what goes on in state house. this is just poor comedy n foolishness. but sata che.

  12. Proud Zambian  May 3, 2013 at 15:17

    Goodness me, were these the words from the head of state? PF must be sensible enough and challenge this rubbish of so called speech full of nonsense

  13. Zandon  May 3, 2013 at 13:40

    A moment of silence for our dearly departed. Ubushilu bwa ambako…..

  14. morius  May 3, 2013 at 12:57

    Thats sata for you

  15. JAMES  May 3, 2013 at 12:53

    KEEP IT UP PRESIDENT AND IMPROVE NEXT TIME

  16. Zed@crossroad  May 3, 2013 at 12:33

    They (PF leaders) are not fighting but they are waiting. They (PF leaders) try their witchcraft but it can’t beat that witchcraft from Mpika.

    Mpika now is the capital for witchcraft… and that is part of ruling according to bible principles right? And what is the issue with hair on men’s heads….

  17. donny vumbi  May 3, 2013 at 12:17

    Lol

  18. blackbull  May 3, 2013 at 12:06

    this one is not presidential material said kk are yu still mukali ku kana

  19. CNP 2016  May 3, 2013 at 12:00

    Can’t he be serious for once?

  20. Lewis Bangwe  May 3, 2013 at 11:34

    great speech

  21. tantanuka  May 3, 2013 at 11:25

    chabipa

  22. kabushi  May 3, 2013 at 11:23

    hi zambians

  23. bauer  May 3, 2013 at 07:56

    mulekeni aletusekesha,chabashani?sata long live,great men.

  24. Longman  May 3, 2013 at 04:52

    The speech was well read with jokes here and there. People, thus was a celebration. Why can’t we allow a light moment to transpire for once?

  25. Munta  May 2, 2013 at 21:35

    Okay..,ukwa

  26. peter richard  May 2, 2013 at 20:36

    sivintu

    • ayoba  May 4, 2013 at 10:13

      kikikiki

  27. cho chise  May 2, 2013 at 20:15

    Looks like we need to have serious prayers.it may sound funny now but we will be saying iye kanshi bali serious ba mudala.weshifwe waba mumulu, shina lyobe lichindikwe,ubufumu bobe nawise.

  28. kaize suse  May 2, 2013 at 19:37

    uhmmmm…all hope lost, buckle up people!! this ride will be long and rough!!!

  29. Tikambeko  May 2, 2013 at 19:08

    SIC SEMPER EVELLO MORTEN TYRANNIS

  30. BOTENG  May 2, 2013 at 18:33

    school is important

  31. Chiboboka  May 2, 2013 at 18:27

    Short but creative speech and with sense.

  32. madam me  May 2, 2013 at 17:45

    Iye uluse! ,

  33. madam me  May 2, 2013 at 17:45

    Iye uluse!

  34. yanga yake  May 2, 2013 at 17:30

    AM EMBARRASED.

  35. beyonce  May 2, 2013 at 16:48

    hahahaha very funny indeed kikikiki

  36. Patricia (character name - Somone)  May 2, 2013 at 16:16

    So unbelievable

Comments are closed.