Verbatim: The comedy Sata delivered at this year’s labour day celebrations

Below is the exact wording of the comedy (speech) president Michael Sata delivered at this year’s labour day celebrations as monitored and recorded by our reporters. The event was live on both ZNBC radio and television, but will be heavily edited by ZNBC later in the night to save the embarrassment. But we challenge the state ZNBC TV to run it as it was delivered.

 

Shamenda: Your excellency, I don’t want to make a long speech, it is now my rare honour and privilege to invite you your excellency to deliver the key note address for labour day. Your excellency sir:

President Sata: Thank you sir. Well done Mr. Minister, Mr. Fuck-well……. (Sata shuffling papers meant to be a speech).

I was quarrelling with Mr. Shamenda and Mr. Hikaumba because I told them I was a councillor in Bauleni, MP in Kabwata, was MP in Mpika and Dr. Kaunda was annoyed with me that this boy is not presidential material but governor material.

And say thank you very much Dr.KK (with emphasis on KK). An we used to say KK wamuyayaya, kumwamba mulungu pasi KK (crowd cheers).

And KK was boasting when was 89, am also 76, so what is there for him to boast. He can boast to Mr Edgar Lungu who is a baby.

But you see you workers we have met here today…………secretary general of our party, I started saluting Mr. KK wamuyaya, Ms. madam Chief Justice….muletuka muletuka mulebeba ati acting bushe niba acting kabili abanabo tabalipo ninshi eba chief justice. Naba Matimbini ba Speaker ba pa Chibombo, members of the central committee……..I have only seen Mr. Chumbwe…..and Mr. Jean Kapata naba Dorothy Kazunga……….who else have I seen……….oh…. Mr. Patrick Kazhila, eeh Mr. Kazhila stand up……batoteleniko ba Kazhila. Honourable ministers and deputy ministers, your excellences……employers and fellow workers.

At least me you are my employers all of you and you are very good employers.

And today Mr. Nevers Mumba is not here…..Mr. HH is not here because they are ashamed they have been preaching Sata is dying…….does a dying man look like me?

And even if I die………even if I dropped dead because my life belongs to God. We have too many leaders in PF who can take over from me. They (PF leaders) are not fighting but they are waiting. They (PF leaders) try their witchcraft but it can’t beat that witchcraft from Mpika. Mr. Edgar Lungu goes to Petauke but the witchcraft in Petauke is very light it can’t touch me….so go and tell them Mr. Sata is still alive.

And what type of a leader who wish others to be sick and dying……and if you want to aspire to lead this country, come here because all you workers we understand your difficulties whether you have nice uniforms in the army, whether you have nice uniforms in the police there are still other difficulties, accommodation and transport and a number of things.

So if you are leaders and you are aspiring to lead the people of Zambia come here and celebrate with them………..including my boys who are sitting in the trees They are not from Mpika those who are in the trees some of them are from Petauke. Because Edgar Lungu was saying they are from Mpika and I said why, and he said in Mpika you eat monkeys. So baiche imwe ngaisa Edgar Lungu ku Chawama…………. sort him out.

It is with great pleasure that I join you and the rest of the world in celebrating this years labour day. This day is unique because it accords us an opportunity to recorgnise the untiring efforts of workers in transforming our country.

Fellow workers ladies and gentlemen…….….imwe muyenda kuti………iiiimweee  ba youth……..ba yenda kuti abo bayenda yenda. Make sure they don’t yenda….lift them by air.

The theme for this year is transforming the economy through job creation, labour law reforms, better conditions of service and improved work culture. The theme highlights the areas that we need to address in order for us to transform the economy in a manner that is meaningful to the majority of our citizens.

Mr.Shamenda at one time if you ask KK this country we were to import labour. We had no Zambians who could break stones, we had to import them from Tanzania and Kenya and why cant we do it now…So Mr. Shamenda take-off your jacket and put on your overall, and take your Mr. Hikaumba with you…and take that ka ma Joyce(Nonde)

In celebrating this occasion, government pays tribute to all fellow workers for your immense contributions and sacrifices you have been making towards transforming our economy into what it is today. For this reason I salute you all.

Our government is implementing forward……forward looking macro economic policies and ultimately lead to sustained inclusive and equitable economic growth as well as increased productive employment opportunities in with PF the manifesto.

We are happy to mention that the PF government has created more than 175 700 jobs since we came into power and we are creating jobs anymore. And you have seen the new little incoming workers they are going to be dancing,…… singing for us. These are the little …….…whose that woman who came from South Africa……….Dorothy Masuka.

Our government have in the past one year made a number progressive changes aimed at improving the general standard of living for the people of Zambia. Notable among these has been the raising of minimum wage for various categories of workers and the unprecedented generous salary increase for public service workers.

We can do what we can do as government…….the rest we leave it to the unions. If the unions are sleeping, am not going to do the job for you. If you knock on our door we are ready. We have shown that we are ready to give more, because the current workers……if you look at those children their……their parents don’t earn enough that is why some of those children have no shoes.

We have also moved the lowest paid civil servant following the recently held salary negotiations from 1400 gross pay to 3000 or three million, why the food basket as calculated by the general statistics office is at 2900 or 2900000.

We therefore wish to urge you all my fellow workers that improved salaries and conditions of work should be matched with hard work………especially people from Eastern Province. Because every time we call we find you at work but you are not doing anything. You are just speaking chakwanu chinyanja and smoking…..smoking balani.

Let me emphasis that the transformation of the economy requires that in discharging our duties we ensure that we uphold integrity accountability and transparency, especially when this relates to the use of public resources.

Our fight against corruption and least financial flaws is a priority as these vices divert resources from activities that are vital for employment creation, poverty eradication and sustainable development.

When we are talking about job creation, some children are looking the way they are looking because their parents can’t find employment. We are very lucky  here……….. we have a person like Kenneth Kaunda………. we are lucky in the sense that Kenneth Kaunda saw this country as Northern Rhodesia. When he came from Chinsali………he was walking from Chinsali to come and look for my late sister from Mpika……he did not know how to wear trousers. He was just wearing shorts…….so he has struggled for this country to be what it is and that’s why today it pains him greatly………….. that he doesn’t even want to keep his hair………he has removed all the hair from his head. Because I remember one time when I was one of his youths here in Lusaka….….he said he will only eat meat when everybody in Zambia starts eating meat.

And one time the old man in Cairo road wanted to go and buy meat through the window……….when Africans were buying through the window. Now you find that we young Zambians we can’t emulate people like KK. You are making short cuts. Even removing all the head hair in your head………why don’t you emulate the girls. You saw when the girls were matching………..,they were very smart. Our men without hair,………are you not ashamed……..are you not ashamed. If God has not given you a Pala………don’t make one because you can’t sustain it. Look at that one there………. looking at me without hair…….,he is hiding his head. What about my women selling in kamwala……..who are selling combs you want them to die from starvation because you don’t want to keep your hair.

For our men in uniforms I thank you for working hard. Some people have engaged security guards, they don’t know that security guards are more brutal than my policemen. For the army, when there is no war, some people in Eastern province are trying to provoke me. But when I send the army in Eastern province, Mpenzeni will be the first one to run away.

Thank you for keeping you here, without lunch. Thank you for coming Mr. (Hi)Kaumba…but does it mean that there are no names in Southern province other than HH. Thank you……..this one has hidden his name….Simukoko……

And you whats your name……are you related to Rev. Masumba……ooh you are also a reverend.

I am now moving towards the people receiving awards……where are the people receiving the awards……..

Thank you.

 

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382 Responses to "Verbatim: The comedy Sata delivered at this year’s labour day celebrations"

  1. Niggars Make The World Go Round  May 2, 2013 at 08:00

    And some people still think Chama Chakomboka was craziest politician to have emerged from this planet.

  2. Snepa  May 2, 2013 at 07:54

    Yah ba. Thats the reason why Barotseland want secession. Do you think the Barotse Prime Minister or King would have made such errors-Not atall. The Zambian President.

  3. truthful  May 2, 2013 at 07:52

    tongas on this blog-you will die of hatred! i feel sorry for you and your children and their children because you will never rule this nation. continue your lies about his exellency , you are just a bunch of losers and no one takes you seriously. shame on you! insult but we will be your leaders until the second coming of christ.

    • Mpongo Muleya  May 2, 2013 at 08:45

      Ruling a confused country like this one is not a job that one would envy. Continue with you false pride that you are ruling and at the same time enjoy your poverty.

    • jonstoned  May 2, 2013 at 08:53

      Dont worry, we amking our money and living comfortably. Keep dreaming by the way

    • ARSENAL  May 2, 2013 at 09:02

      You are a fool like your president.

  4. Be objective  May 2, 2013 at 07:50

    The speech is very good.

    • jonstoned  May 2, 2013 at 08:52

      You are sic

    • nchonde  May 2, 2013 at 15:58

      To a kaponya like you it is very very good!! To those of us using our brains to think, its rubbish!!

  5. spear  May 2, 2013 at 07:46

    Incoherent

  6. Legency  May 2, 2013 at 07:45

    Interesting. Its keeps people awake. Some leaders dont fight for power to Build but to Destroy. Remember Hitler and His Deeds.

  7. WhiteHouse  May 2, 2013 at 07:41

    The president needs serious prayers

  8. Seed  May 2, 2013 at 07:40

    Please somebody help me. When did Nevers or HH talk about the president’s health? Maybe I missed it.I only hear about this health issue when Mr. Sata and Wynter Kabimba talk about it.

    • Blackwater  May 2, 2013 at 08:26

      That’s what I have been wondering as well. HH and Nevers Mumba have never ever discussed the health status of President Sata in public. All i have heard Nevers say is that if it is true that our president is sick, then NM will be the first one to pray for him which is a good thing. The man is just guilty of his past. This issue is only discussed mainly on this site and not by HH or NM.

    • Sam  May 2, 2013 at 08:51

      Never as far as I can remember.

  9. LELONILELO  May 2, 2013 at 07:38

    Another Day in Monkey paradise.Is this inspirational or another lost opportunity for mother Zambia.what a country we live in

  10. Kas man  May 2, 2013 at 07:34

    SHAME…WHAT A SPEECH

  11. QUESTIONER  May 2, 2013 at 07:32

    Instead of laughing I feel so saddened that a president can be so incoherent at such an auspicious event. He represents what we are because we voted for such a person. As Zambians, we have a lot to do in selecting our leaders. We can complain but it is all our fault to have voted with emotions. It is a big lesson for us, and next time we go to the polls lets do the right thing. This imbecile cheated everyone in broad day light and we are here complaining. We must rise from the ashes and never make such a huge mistake again. This fellow does not understand, let alone appreciate the significance of the presidency. He says whatever comes to his head regardless of the circumstances prevailing. He is an embarrassment to the country but it is all our fault; we voted for him knowing very well that he had no capacity to handle the intricacies of the presidency. Shame on Zambia.

  12. statepolice  May 2, 2013 at 07:21

    Well done your Excellence! Keep it up!

  13. Techi  May 2, 2013 at 07:13

    Difficult to connect.I feel pity for Znbc editors.

  14. Posapo  May 2, 2013 at 07:02

    Sata”s labor day speech was the worst I”ve ever heard by the Head of state.He mind sounded out of tune.His mind must be checked.

    • Mpongo Muleya  May 2, 2013 at 08:48

      He may be the worst President south of the Sahara if not in the world.

  15. Rusco  May 2, 2013 at 06:57

    It is clear that Sata is not a presidential material, no matter what others say. He never makes marks in his speeches and speeches are always empty. It is useless to discuss such a speech. Let us try someone else.

  16. nk  May 2, 2013 at 05:19

    The speech was okay . Nd u he written it correctly ba watchdog.

    • md  May 2, 2013 at 08:49

      am i missing something here? the speech was ok?

  17. jef  May 2, 2013 at 04:51

    I expected my president at least to tell the nation on these serious fuel price adjustments and looming electricity tariff adjustments, because these two are serious lab our related factors as far as production is concerned.Anyway lets keep on praying if anything we are in D ZONE as the nation,in my on view this Country will be on stones soon.

  18. Rear-smacks  May 2, 2013 at 04:24

    Good speech, only the dulls one will not get the message. Speeches are generally long n boring and audience tends to doze off, but the president knows how to keep you awake n interested in hearing what he has to say next. Cant you even hh is slowly copying this type of speech delivery…

    • Boondocks  May 2, 2013 at 04:29

      Uli chipuba.

      • Neighbor of Makwacha  May 2, 2013 at 06:39

        Nothing wrong and drama about what the president said. African leaders are known for long and meaningless speeches. Viva HEMCS!!!

    • Chi chi  May 2, 2013 at 10:10

      U idiot u don’t need a six’th sense to get sense from his speech we Zambians we are good listeners the was empty .pipo are suffering

  19. Boondocks  May 2, 2013 at 04:21

    Like I always say, great societies are built by great people, who in turn chooses a great leader to inspire them and catalput them to another level. a great leader also identifies great people to surround him by making a strong leadership team. The fact that this is the leader we collectively choose shows that Zambia is a mediocre nation. That is why in the USA they came up with electoral delegates, responsible people in every given society who can chose a sober, wise and unenept leader. Democracy can not soar where there are a lot of fools voting. We seriously need a founding father who will ensure we have a balanced constitution which represents the challenges of our contemporary Zambia. Ketumile Masire unselfishly built a strong foundation for his nation, overlooking tribal and political gains, but national gains. Having presided on the discovery of the current wealth Botswana now enjoys, he unselfishly laid a foundation for all Batswana to benefit, despite your tribal and political affiliations. Now every parent does not have to ‘ fight’ for a place in a school university or tertiary institution. The playing field is levelled. Zambians should learn to think like that. Collectively, if we choose the right kind of leadership, maintain checks and balances, get rid of corruption, each one of us will be rest assured that our children will live their dreams, as long as they work hard. We have credible presidential s candidates, wealthy, upright, successfully, economic managers and yet we all chose to dance to donch kubeba,even when we knew what was on the plate. We chose a leader and his group who lies, has a strong history of corruption, has a confused familyman background, a flip flopper, political prostitute who has been in every failed government, basically an accomplished waste. In 1996 most of us young people supported Dean Mungomba, because he identified; young, wealthy, successful, academic and strong economic management background. Though froma differnt tribe, I did not look at his tribe. He away a great Zambian boy. Now I see the same qualities in HH. If he doesn’t perform, chuck him out as well, until we achieve perfection in leadership, like the Japanese. I hope our next presidential election will be about our vision as a nation, not tribal and collective foolishness.

  20. Blago  May 2, 2013 at 02:33

    We have the real “cabbage” on our hands!

    • Sam  May 2, 2013 at 08:59

      A rotten cabbage for that matter!

  21. Jeff Mwanza  May 2, 2013 at 02:20

    I support the calls for the need to show us the video for us to be convinced.. otherwise we have no president in zambia..

  22. KAYANGULA  May 2, 2013 at 02:05

    WE ARE NOT ABLE TO GET ANYTHING FROM THE PURPOTED SPEECH, CAN’T IT BE EDITED OR WHAT SOMETHING PLEASE?MIND U BA ZWD NOT EVRYBODY IS A COMMEDIAN , SO NEXT TIME EDIT TO AVOID HEADACHES

    • Agonized  May 2, 2013 at 07:40

      hahahahaha, let me help u. if u cant undastand it first tym, dont stress. it simply means its rubbish

  23. Ngombala Muhapi wa Mafatsi  May 2, 2013 at 01:18

    This must rank among the most shameful speeches of all times. The man seems wholly incapable of any sustained length of coherent and logical thinking any more. I shudder to think of the embarrassment we are in every time this goon steps out of this country. Indeed, we as a nation have scored a first by electing a clearly senile man for president.

  24. rodrick  May 2, 2013 at 00:47

    the oldmen sata+mukombwe+chikwanda +dr kasonde+broken hillman sakeni+expired shamenda= 0 or -1

  25. rodrick  May 2, 2013 at 00:36

    useless speech mpika mpika now what was jesus born in mpika mr presidente

  26. rodrick  May 2, 2013 at 00:20

    the speech was just waste of time no wonder fr bwalya has departed from mr sata bcoz he has seen no direction .today begins a new era of suffering .zambians wake up ,the untold misery begins today ,the increase of fuel price and eletricity tarrifs is beging of spiral inflation therefore minimum wage and the increment of civil servants wages will have little market pull.its simply means that your standard of living wont improve.the oldman has lost ideal due to old age he cant even deliver a speech on pressing issues like jobs he is buz talking about mpika which will not even bring economical growth and devlopment .i made a wrong choice in september 2011

  27. Zimbwi  May 2, 2013 at 00:20

    Why not blame his speech writer?

  28. BOOM BOOM  May 2, 2013 at 00:19

    Probably the best Chamba, Daga, Dobo, Marijuana someone has ever smoked.

    The question is – Where did it get from?

  29. FuManchu  May 1, 2013 at 23:07

    I have problems convincing myself the speech verbatim is not adulterated and on the other hand I feel comfortably informed by this site. The president should have just stuck to the written speech than try to spice it with sick humor! Get a cue from this those of you that wish for a press conference, and for real people did cheer? Agony is to be an ambassador and sit listening through all this.

    • Dim Wit  May 2, 2013 at 00:25

      Sounds like Kanitundila ke ke ke!
      I have stopped asking for press conferences.
      Terrible word salad indeed having followed the proceedings!

  30. wiseman  May 1, 2013 at 23:06

    He wanted HH n Nevers to there when He neva attanded any functions when he was in the opsition.senseless speech n wat has been written is wat i recorded too.Al sorry the former man of actions is finished next HH.

  31. Rejected stone  May 1, 2013 at 22:44

    Is this Kalaki’s corner?

    • kfhj@  May 2, 2013 at 00:01

      haha lol. nice one.

  32. Good Memory  May 1, 2013 at 22:35

    Kaunda everywhere. Why?

  33. Ba Chileshe  May 1, 2013 at 22:31

    Pathetic hollow speech ….! empty and void ! I can feel the loneliness and feeling of failure and lack of confidence and direction to lead this nation in our presidents speech. Uluse fye olonaumfwa
    He would rather have Dr Kaunda by his side to give him some guidance and confidence. He hopes to lead Zambia with Kaunda’s on his side no wonder he cant do without him. His Sangomas has advised him never to have anyone with bold head working around in state house, the Sangomas say bold heads are very bad people who can kill him – he has already chased all bold headeds from statehouse.(see the Bragging about his whichcraft being stronger)
    If you are Bold head don’t dare go to statehouse like that ! you will be chased

  34. gkc@yahoo.com  May 1, 2013 at 22:29

    I think they,s some element of confusion in head, urgent action to organise a medical board to exmine him befo its too late, nd no opposition leader has ever wished him dead, but his own cartel of membe nd group. dont include HH nd NM, this comes fm his pf

  35. Ba Chileshe  May 1, 2013 at 22:26

    Pathetic hollow speech ….! empty and void !

    I can feel the loneliness and feeling of failure and lack of confidence and direction to lead this nation in our presidents speech. Uluse fye olonaumfwa

    He would rather have Dr Kaunda by his side to give him some guidance and confidence. He hopes to lead Zambia with Kaunda’s on his side no wonder he cant do without him.

  36. shushu  May 1, 2013 at 22:20

    hes now failing t coordinate his speech, no …comedy. shameful thing. m sure these bemba n pf cadres r embarrassed.

    • Ba Chileshe  May 1, 2013 at 22:29

      They are immune to embarrassment

  37. David  May 1, 2013 at 22:17

    Unfortunately for some men hair loss is an unavoidable natural phenomena. We don’t all have hair exactly where we want it and explanations are many which include higher levels of testosterone (Some of the more knowledgeable ladies will confirm). Besides it’s a cleaner look.

  38. Dr OK  May 1, 2013 at 22:13

    Ok,nice one.

  39. Lily  May 1, 2013 at 21:44

    May sonebody help, how do dying people look?

    • Ba Chileshe  May 1, 2013 at 22:06

      like him we ! just look at him

    • sam  May 2, 2013 at 05:30

      Exactly like him!!!

  40. sweetcharles  May 1, 2013 at 21:44

    . Our men without hair,………are you not ashamed……..are you not ashamed. If God has not given you a Pala………don’t make one because you can’t sustain it. Look at that one there………. looking at me without hair…….,he is hiding his head. What about my women selling in kamwala……..who are selling combs you want them to die from starvation because you don’t want to keep your hair.

    Thank you for keeping you here, without lunch. Thank you for coming Mr. (Hi)Kaumba…but does it mean that there are no names in Southern province other than HH. Thank you……..this one has hidden his name….Simukoko……

  41. upnd  May 1, 2013 at 21:37

    amapala nabasata whats the conection?

  42. peteje  May 1, 2013 at 21:32

    There is nothing wrong with the speech. Bravo sata, wd you are ashamed because sata is not dead as you want, useless UPND idiots. Viva sata

    • NIL  May 1, 2013 at 21:42

      useless speech like the presenter,no proper connection with a speech,my child who is 3 years can right a good speech than satana

    • You must be an imbecile ,you call that a speech ? He behaved like a master of ceremony with a speech punctuated in bemba as if we are all BEMBAs,.Tell your master this country does not belong to you thieving BEMBAs.

      • twoo  May 2, 2013 at 08:56

        there you go again, why this tribal hatred?…folks this tribal crap will get out of hand one day!…please desist!

  43. VOICE OF REASON  May 1, 2013 at 21:31

    Mr. President, are you a commander in chief or commedian in chief?

  44. CHECHA  May 1, 2013 at 21:27

    WHAT IS NEW HERE? THIS IS THE SAME SATA WE VOTED FOR AND STILL WANT. EVEN THAT TIME WE KNEW HIM VERY WELL IT’S A PITY IF SOMEONE THINKS WE MADE A MISTAKE. GO!GO! PRESIDO, DON’T MIND THESE DISTRACTORS AND OPPOTUNISTS.

  45. luka  May 1, 2013 at 21:26

    GBM, EDGAR LUNGU AND JOHN PHIRI PAY YOUR SUPPLIERS. WE ARE SUFFERING BECAUSE BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS. OU CHEATED US YOU WOULD START PAYING SUPPLIERS EARLY BUT YOU ARE WORSE THAN RUPIA. THIS RUPIA YOU ARE INSULTING PAID US AT LEAST ON TIME BUT NOW WE ARE TOTALLY STARVING YOU GET FAT TIME WILL COME WHEN YOU WILL START GETTING THIN.
    AS FOR YOU GBM HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YUO ARE TO SUPPLY GOODS AND YOU DONT GET PAID ON TIME. WE SIGN CONTRACTS WHICH STIPULATE WHEN PAYMENTS ARE TO BE MADE BUT NOW THERE IS NOTHIMG. PAY US NOW YOU FAILURES

    • FuManchu  May 1, 2013 at 22:57

      Who would not pay GBM on time if not asking to be sorted out?

  46. Field Sham  May 1, 2013 at 21:23

    Ma!

  47. tasila  May 1, 2013 at 21:19

    Watchdog could you please post the video? We need to see, seeing is believing.

  48. Mba  May 1, 2013 at 21:04

    Ba presido is simply sick and tired. Next president please!

    • Neighbor of Makwacha  May 2, 2013 at 06:46

      Mba, it is you who is sick and won’t even reach 45. You are dying from unknown and misterious disease, man. Please only God gives life and SAta might go beyond 2030. CAreful !

      • Dull as usual  May 2, 2013 at 10:43

        I am sure he would rather be dead at 45 than become like that?

  49. Sway  May 1, 2013 at 21:03

    Its like am reading Idi Amin’s speech. Ba Watch Dog are you sure this speech was delivered in Lusaka or you have cut and pasted some Idi Amin’s speech from the archives? Am not convinced.

  50. Shaka  May 1, 2013 at 21:03

    With such kind of behaviour, I commend HH and Nevers. MCS would have insulted them in front of everybody and that without apology. The international community, including the maligned Mugabe, have done well to keep away from such an unpredictable and uncultured person. Ask George Bush Jr who I bet will never step back in Zambia, unless this man is no longer president.

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